I would be able to maybe be a more authentic me… I would feel like I have a voice that I can share, not a voice that I constantly feel like I need to keep hidden and quiet. Over the weekend I kept on thinking what would it be like if I actually shared my story, my anger, my frustration at things happening in the world – especially in the world of Orthodox female rabbis- where it is the most personal? What if I wasn’t afraid of what the personal push back would be? What if I was willing to put myself on the line? Part of me feels like I would actually be less angry. I know that I used to feel pretty ok doing so, but lately (ok, over the past 4 years), I am more wary. It is taking that step (which could feel like a giant leap) that will allow us to flourish, accomplish more, and create change. She talks about how sometimes going “into the wilderness”, those places that can be scary, those places we know we will be on our own, is the place that we also with thrive. Usually it is not something SO crazy (she brings a time she wore jeans to speak a conference) – it is how I wanted to do theatre with students and seniors or that I wanted to volunteer in a nursing home or that I wanted to play a bit with my audience when I directed plays or that I wanted to run a ball with people who can’t move on their own or that I was willing to fight to study Torah at a high level.
The truth is (and she says this often in the book) those are the times that I find that I am happiest – those times that I am doing what I feel is just right and what is needed. That no matter what I do, I find that my brain makes me want to do something slightly different – and many times it is what I do. This idea that even though I might be with other people, I am by myself.
It is a book about how to aloneness – something that I feel often. This week’s book is “Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone” By Brene Brown.
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